She could feel her thoughts rustling inside her mind, little butterflies flapping against one another. If only she could rip off their wings and discard their irritating flutter she could restore some composure and walk away leaving them all behind. She knew however that they would keep on growing in their irritation to an undeniable pitch.
She was always told that if you love someone enough then everything else would fall into place but at no time in this blinkered vision did she foresee the love she had given being returned to someone else. She could tell herself it was only second hand hearsay but even something second hand can have some worth.
Her emotions were flung to the floor, tipped out of an old comfortable easy chair that had given her security. There was nothing she could do but watch it being carried away, not knowing whether to look for another or just wait quietly for it to return. Maybe the problem was that he was never really hers to have but just on loan. He said he needed time to think and put his life into perspective but no one else was mentioned. She could not help thinking that he had been working longer hours recently and when he was home she felt that if she had tried to touch him her hand would have passed right through as if he wasn’t really there but somewhere else.
She was the type of woman who needed order in her life and her mind but however hard she tried to shelve those butterflies they still seemed to be untidy and out of place.
She told herself, ‘I could phone him and talk things over.
‘Yes I’ll phone him.’
With that thought her hands seeped moisture of a damp nervousness. She needed to know the truth although part of her found solace in the doubts. It was too late to go back now; the phone was already in her hand and seemed to be taking control. Buttons were pressed through a bombardment of emotions and a crippling sickening in the pit of her stomach.
It rang….and rang again.
‘Hello, can I help you?’
A voice……a woman’s voice.
She was unable to reply, her lips had become sealed together and her tongue was numb in the dryness of her mouth as all her body moisture seemed to be pulled to the corners of her eyes. Even the motion of pulling the phone away from her ear and slamming it down seemed an impossible task. Was this a nightmare or just the cold realisation of the truth?
The next thing she knew was that she was standing in the bathroom by the cabinet without any recollection of how she got there. Her eyes fixated on the edge of a shiny blade in her hand. She needed to find a new pain to replace the one she could no longer bear. Her skin parted so easily, needing little persuasion to spill her life. On the floor she now lay shivering, the warmth of her blood quickly turning to cold and stale as it spread out into a puddle. Her eyelids heavy with betrayal shut tightly and her heart slowed to a last beat.
Darkness consumed her but at least she had silenced the butterflies.
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